I try not to delve into really personal matters here on my blog too often, partly because I am a pretty private person in real life (sometimes my closest friends have trouble getting things out of me), and partly because I prefer for this blog to be a positive space. Not that my days are generally bad, but on the few days when I do feel like garbage, posting something thoughtless like the things I found in the thrift store, or the accumulated food images I took throughout the previous weeks helps me feel grounded. I like to keep things mostly lighthearted around here.
This is different. This is something I need to talk about, maybe to ask for well wishes, possibly just to get the ton of bricks off my chest, or perhaps to shed some light or connect with those who have been through something similar.
About three months ago one of the people I consider closest to me was diagnosed as a schizophrenic. It wasn’t a shock, but it definitely was hard to hear. The illness runs in the family. I think those closest to this person were in denial about how bad she had become. She, and those around her, really pride themselves in being odd or different, so even when she talked about life in other realms, it only seemed like an extension of the kooky behavior she inherited and was such a commonplace in her life. There was a breaking point though. The hallucinations got more intense and the behavior stranger. It all started to add up to me, and others around her. We could no longer brush off the weird and flaky behavior, this was a real problem that she had absolutely no control over.
Last week she made a serious attempt to take her life. It wasn’t the first, but it was the most serious. She was put in a hospital, then transferred to an institution for the better part of a week. She was released yesterday, and I all that I can hope is that the medication they prescribed her helps, she takes it, and she starts to see the immense value of her life.
The downward spiral has been heartbreaking to witness, especially when you realize that nothing you say or do can help. I can’t support her in any way financially, and being a few states away with a baby makes it tricky to even visit. All I can do is continue to offer my love. I really hope that is enough.