(a picture of Lucy and I, looking happy, because this post is a little bit of a downer)
I try not to delve into really personal matters here on my blog too often, partly because I am a pretty private person in real life (sometimes my closest friends have trouble getting things out of me), and partly because I prefer for this blog to be a positive space. Not that my days are generally bad, but on the few days when I do feel like garbage, posting something thoughtless like the things I found in the thrift store, or the accumulated food images I took throughout the previous weeks helps me feel grounded. I like to keep things mostly lighthearted around here.
This is different. This is something I need to talk about, maybe to ask for well wishes, possibly just to get the ton of bricks off my chest, or perhaps to shed some light or connect with those who have been through something similar.
About three months ago one of the people I consider closest to me was diagnosed as a schizophrenic. It wasn’t a shock, but it definitely was hard to hear. The illness runs in the family. I think those closest to this person were in denial about how bad she had become. She, and those around her, really pride themselves in being odd or different, so even when she talked about life in other realms, it only seemed like an extension of the kooky behavior she inherited and was such a commonplace in her life. There was a breaking point though. The hallucinations got more intense and the behavior stranger. It all started to add up to me, and others around her. We could no longer brush off the weird and flaky behavior, this was a real problem that she had absolutely no control over.
Last week she made a serious attempt to take her life. It wasn’t the first, but it was the most serious. She was put in a hospital, then transferred to an institution for the better part of a week. She was released yesterday, and I all that I can hope is that the medication they prescribed her helps, she takes it, and she starts to see the immense value of her life.
The downward spiral has been heartbreaking to witness, especially when you realize that nothing you say or do can help. I can’t support her in any way financially, and being a few states away with a baby makes it tricky to even visit. All I can do is continue to offer my love. I really hope that is enough.
I offer you my best wishes. I’m sorry for this hard time for you.. I hope things look up some. You’re in my thoughts as well as the one affected!
[Reply]
I love you. I was just going to say that, but it said my comment was too short. I love you and Russ and sweet little angel baby eyelashie blueberry lovin’ Russ Junior. And I even love your evil cats. <3
[Reply]
I hope you all feel better soon! I Understand how you feel. A close family member of mine was also diagnosed with a mental health issue a few months ago. It horrible when you realise that’s its been their all along and no-ones noticed!I hope you guys feel better soon and Hi! to lucy
[Reply]
I hope sharing this has helped. Keep her in your thoughts, let her know you care and that you don’t judge her, and be there however you feel you can. The rest is up to her. Best wishes Cedar.
[Reply]
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear this. I love your blog and visit it every day. It takes courage to post about something so personal, but to me it also makes the blogger more human, if you know what I mean. I truly hope things turn out well. Take care.
[Reply]
I feel for you! I had a similar circumstance with my big sister who had been institutionalized for three years during her adolescence. After she became and adult we all assumed she was “fine”, as crazy as that sounds. When her behavior started to get more erratic, we all just thought it was her personality. I feel so guilty looking back now and thinking about all the times we laughed with her and said to ourselves, “What a kooky lady she is!”, but thought it was harmless. When she attempted suicide AGAIN….we looked back and saw all the behavior we tried to avoid. It’s been a life-long struggle for her, and for her family. It’s hard for me to be around her as terrible as that sounds because I’m terrified of seeing erratic behavior again and not being able to do anything about it. Mental illness is so common and nobody talks about it. Medications are wonderful and I hope they give your family member her life back, as they have helped my sister.
[Reply]
I’m so sorry to hear that. It is always hard to watch a loved one struggle, and mental illness is a really awful struggle sometimes. I will keep you and your loved one in my thoughts, and hope the situation improves.
[Reply]
I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through, I know it’s particularly rough when you feel like you can’t do anything about the situation. Mental health issues can be the worst to deal with. Sending good thoughts your way.
[Reply]
So sorry to hear about your friend. I hope you are feeling a little better now that you have let a little bit out. You’ve got our support in blogland!
[Reply]
This makes me so sad to hear. I really hope she gets well again.
[Reply]
My sister has severe mental illness and I feel like we’ve all spent that last twenty years just trying to keep her alive. She has Borderline Personality Disorder and is Bi-Polar. When we weren’t trying to prevent her from committing suicide she was out doing risky things and getting involved with drugs. I know that tension and that worry, and how it eats at your soul. It’s okay to feel sad, but it’s okay to feel happy again, too.
[Reply]
I am just now seeing this cause I haven’t been keeping up with my google reader. Just wanted to give my support. My older brother is schizophrenic and his was child on-set (he started hearing voices and stuff around age five or earlier i think?) and the way he is is the way I’ve always known him to be. He’s actually quite scary to be around, unfortunately. I hope your friend is seeing doctors and taking medication that helps. (Sadly, my brother refuses to do either.)
[Reply]